1.
      Happy Vasectomy!
      Hope you feel zippy!
      'Cause when I had mine
      I got real snippy.
 
      2.
      My tire was thumping
      I thought it was flat
      When I looked at the tire
      I noticed your cat...Sorry.
 
      3.
      You had your bladder removed
      And you're on the mends
      Here's a bouquet of flowers
      And a box of Depends.
 
      4.
      You've announced that you're gay
      Won't that be a laugh
      When they find out you're one
      Of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
 
      5.
      So your daughter's a hooker
      And it spoiled your day
      Look at the bright side
      She's a really good lay.
 
      6.
      Heard your wife left you
      How upset you must be
      But don't fret about it
      She moved in with me.
 
      7.
      Your computer is dead
      It was once so alive
      Don't you regret installing
      Windows '95?
 
      8.
      You totaled your car
      And can't remember why
      Could it have been
      That case of Bud Dry?